


Carpe Noctem

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-20
Updated: 2005-01-31
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:58:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Set in early S3 (about 305), Justin and Brian are brought back together when Justin has an unfortunate accident that will change his and Brian's perspectives on life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Prologue

Brian was tired. And not just because he had just spent the hour in a meeting with some of the most demanding clients he had ever met. As he sat behind his oh-so-stylish desk in his perfectly tailored Armani suit he finally let himself think of the one thing that had made his mind such a battleground of late.

Justin…. He was all that Brian could think about since that fateful night at Babylon over a year ago, the night that Justin had walked away. Who ever thought that Brian Kinney would fall so hard for a single person?! Because he had, he could finally admit to himself that in all honesty it was quite possible that he actually loved Justin.

Yet, despite the possibility of being with someone who cared for him, Brian had systematically pushed Justin to the edge until he finally fell of the cliff. Not that he had been alone in destroying their…relationship, if you could call what they had had a relationship.

What was causing Brian so much grief lately was one simple thought: “Was it worth it?” Was it?! Was it worth his own unhappiness? Was Justin happy? Well maybe it wasn’t so simple after all. They had finally started talking again; Justin had helped him out with the poster for the Centre and with that goddamned fiasco with his nephew. But now that they were talking Brian had noticed the twinkle was gone from Justin’s eyes and he didn’t smile as much anymore. Especially not that damn beautiful Sunshine smile that Brian had secretly grown to adore, and much as he hated himself for it, he was concerned.

Brian thought the only way for Justin to be happy was to go and be with his romantic violinist. He knew he couldn’t give Justin what he needed, he would never be one for roses or romantic gestures and if that’s what Justin wanted he was going to need to look elsewhere. Brian knew he was a hopeless case, and now he’d pushed the one person away who had been willing to put up with his bullshit, into the arms of another man and all he was left with were memories. At first he had thought that everything was wonderful in the land of violets and violins, but now, now Justin didn’t seem happy and Ethan (yes, Goddamnit, he knew the kid’s name) didn’t seem to be able to make the situation any better. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on Brian’s part, but he seemed sure that Justin was putting on a façade, and not just for Ethan, but for all of them.

Brian came out of his thoughts and glanced down at all the work he was going to have to do for his new account and decided maybe it was time to go home, it was already getting late in the evening. Although he knew that even if he went home he wouldn’t be getting anything more done, he’d probably end up picking up a trick and fuck him while dreaming that he was with a certain blonde someone else. That would make Mikey happy. He was on his case lately about not being his usual self. Since when did Brian Kinney become so predictable?

As he began to gather his things he thought that maybe it was time for him to grow up and stop trying to make everyone else happy. Start to be happy himself and pursue his dreams…. and recently those dreams all consisted of his blonde beauty with the sparkling blue eyes. Maybe he would get a late dinner at the Diner before heading home….

Twenty minutes later Brian was leaning up against the Corvette outside of the diner smoking. He had decided to come straight to the diner instead of heading home to the loft. He had to be honest with himself that when it came to admitting something like what he was planning to do, it was quite possible that he would lose his nerve and spend the night drinking instead. To the patrons of Liberty Avenue passing by, Brian looked the part of the stoic stud of the Avenue, but inside Brian was in turmoil over coming up with a plan of attack. He needed to come up with some kind of campaign to get Justin back in his life. Especially since this particular client had already been with the company and had decided to go another way; Brian couldn’t let that happen again. As the cool breeze ruffled through his hair he watched Justin inside the diner. It wasn’t his imagination, he was sure, the blonde looked tired. Whenever Deb wasn’t looking the smile he was wearing came off and a look of exhaustion washed over his pale white face. More often than Brian would like, Justin’s hand would come up to his head and rub his temples or pinch the bridge of his nose.

Brian didn’t know the half of it. Inside the diner Justin felt like he was suffocating. The heat was overwhelming and his head was pounding, although that wasn’t too unusual lately. The headache was well on its way to a full-blown migraine anytime now. Deb looked over at him and caught him massaging his temple. 

“Hey, Sunshine, you feelin’ alright tonight Hon? You don’t look so hot and you’ve been messing up orders all night! You haven’t done that since you started. Do you want me to call Kiki to come in and cover you for the rest of the night?” she asked in her loving and concerned ‘Deb’ way.

Justin looked up and cursed himself for letting Deb catch him, but even though his head was starting to feel like it would explode he needed the hours. “Sorry Deb, no that’s alright, I’ll be fine. My mind’s just somewhere else, I have a ton of projects due for the end of term soon and I was just thinking of them.” He hoped he sounded convincing, although from the look on Deb’s face he was pretty sure she didn’t buy it but she let it go anyway. It was true, he did have a ton of projects due soon and his hand wasn’t cooperating even with the stylus that Brian had given to him. Then there was Brian, and how he still felt about him. Then there was Ethan, who he really did care about, but who was also wreaking havoc on his head with practicing for the Heifitz competition again; after second place last year, he had become a music machine, playing at all spare moments. Their entire year together seemed to consist of constant violin playing and it was past the point of enjoyment for Justin. Now that he thought about it, it was no wonder that his head was pounding.

Outside Brian steeled himself, dropped the butt of his cigarette on the ground, crushed it with his heel and made his way to the door of the diner. Inside Justin had just started to bus a newly vacated table. As he was putting the dishes into the bin he started to feel as if the heat had just been raised about 50 degrees. He picked up the bin and started walking across the diner when the chime above the door rang. He could feel Brian’s presence and turned around to greet him, but as soon as he turned around the pain in his head started to explode. He could barely see Brian through the white hot pain that was now shooting through his brain. 

“Brian?....” he managed to get out as the bin of dishes came crashing to the ground as Justin’s hands shot up to his head, but that was only for a moment before Justin himself was falling to the ground. Brian watched in horror as Justin crumpled to the floor. Images of the one night he’d tried so hard to forget flashed through his head. It all happened within seconds, but Brian was down next to the fallen blonde within moments, if only to assure himself that he was still breathing, not aware that tears had begun to run down his cheeks. The rest of the diner was shocked to see Brian crying and muttering to himself and the unconscious blonde, when it became obvious that Justin was not waking up any time soon.

“NO! Not again…please don’t leave me again...” Brian was whispering into Justin’s soft, silky hair. “Please….GOD!.... NO! Not again.” 


	2. Carpe Noctem

Chapter 1

It had been a long night. Justin’s inexplicable collapse had happened at around 10pm and now it was closing in on midnight.

When it had happened Deb had immediately called ‘911’. While she waited for the ambulance to arrive she watched helplessly as a grief stricken Brian held Justin’s lifeless form; mumbling to him and running his fingers through the golden strands on the unconscious boys’ head. As she looked on she imagined that this was how he had protected Justin all those night’s ago on the parking garage floor and it broke her heart to see them both this way. When the ambulance had arrived it taken a lot of gentle coaxing on her part to get Brian away from Justin so that the EMTs could do their job.

Debbie had been at a loss. Brian had stood motionless, tears streaming down his face, as the EMTs strapped Justin on to a gurney. Everything else in the diner had come to a stand still; the patrons looked on in disbelief at the scene unfolding in front of them. Was Brian Kinney crying?! Actually showing emotion?! It seemed to them that the impossible was finally happening.

“Brian?” Deb said softly, reaching out and gently putting a hand on his shoulder. She got no response. She tried again, “Brian, honey?” He turned and looked at her with unblinking eyes that were filled with pain and fear. “Are you going to go with him?” she asked.

He blinked slowly, but gave no response. Brian seemed to be lost in some kind of daze.

“In the ambulance? With Justin? Are you going to go now?” she asked not sure if the man she had known for so long was actually hearing her.

Before she had a chance to say another word, Brian had silently turned and followed the EMTs out of the diner, back to the ambulance and climbed in the back after Justin had been loaded in.

Now, hours later, Debbie looked across the waiting room at Brian. He was standing at a window that faced the outside world, his back to the rest of the people in the room. He’d barely moved from that spot since she’d found him there when she’d arrived. She had been first to arrive after Brian. Before leaving the diner she’d called Jennifer Taylor and Vic to tell them what had happened, relying on them to call everyone else. When she arrived at the hospital she first inquired about Justin and then went to find Brian. She had been concerned for him, having never seen him behave the way he had at the diner. When she got to the waiting area she spied Brian standing at the window and went over to him.

“Brian?” she said gently, just like at the diner. He turned to face her. She looked at him concernedly, but his hazel eyes were dark and revealing nothing.

“Deb.” He acknowledged monosyllabically. His walls were up in full force and Debbie knew better than to pry with Brian, no matter how much she felt the need to mother him. He had responded and that seemed to be as much as she was going to get from him. He turned back to the window and Deb went and found a seat and waited for the others to arrive.

Jennifer Taylor was the next to arrive. She came through the doors in a panic; she saw Debbie and raced across the room into her arms. “Why is this happening?! How can I be here again, waiting to see if my son lives or dies!?” Jennifer sobbed into Debbie’s arms.

Deb pulled back a touch, so she could look at the woman unravelling before her. “Jenn, sweetie, I talked to the nurse, it’s not that bad. He’ll be fine. They think that he collapsed from exhaustion.”

“Exhaustion?” Jennifer exclaimed. She began sobbing again, partly for her son, but also for not being able to see that something was wrong with her son. “I didn’t realise that he was working so hard.”

Deb looked over at Brian, who remained motionless at the window, “I don’t think any of us did Jenn. Now come sit down while we wait.” Deb led her to the seats where she had been sitting before the distraught mother had arrived. They sat in silence for a while longer; Deb kept an arm around Jenn and an eye on Brian across the room. 

When she had calmed herself Jenn looked up and noticed that her comforter seemed to be distracted. She followed Deb’s line of sight and saw that she was looking at a tall man across the way with his back to the room. He was wearing a dress shirt and suit pants, the jacket lay rumpled on a chair next to the window. It took a moment for her to realise that it was Brian.

“Oh my goodness, Deb! How long has he been here?” She asked, she hadn’t even noticed him when she came in. She couldn’t even remember if Justin was even speaking to him again, yet here he was at the hospital, and from the looks of him, he’d been here a while.

“He was at the diner when it happened and rode over in the ambulance with Justin. He’s barely said two words since Justin collapsed.” She explained sadly. She told Jennifer about the scene at the diner. They both sat in silence watching the statue of a man while they waited for news.

It didn’t take much longer for the rest of the family to start to trickle in to the hospital. Daphne was next to arrive after getting a frantic call from Molly. When she got there she rushed over to Jennifer and gave her a hug and some words of comfort before joining her and Deb in the seats. Unlike Jennifer, Daphne wasn’t surprised to see Brian standing guard in the waiting room. She knew that Brian and Justin were talking, not much, but in contact nonetheless. That made her happy, because despite all the problems between the two them she knew that Brian cared for Justin, plus she wasn’t exactly Ethan’s biggest fan. Sure he claimed to love her best friend, but Justin didn’t seem any happier now than those last few weeks with Brian. She hadn’t been able to drag whatever had been bothering him out of Justin and now he was in the hospital again! When she’d settled her stuff with Deb and Jenn and given them both hugs she walked over to where Brian had stationed himself. Debbie and Jenn followed her path with their eyes. They’d never really witnessed much interaction between Daphne and Brian and both were interested to see how the only two people who remembered the fateful prom dance would interact.

As she crossed the room she took in his appearance. His shirt was slightly rumpled and his jacket was just tossed aside on the chair next to him. He didn’t seem the confident man she had come to admire. His shoulders were slumped and his arms were crossed. She took up a position next to him at the window and cast a glance at his face. She was shocked at the fear and pain she saw written across his beautiful features. 

“I should report you to the fashion police for tossing couture aside like that.” She said in greeting, although not looking at him, but gazing out the window at the view they were sharing. Brian turned to look at her. Her brown eyes met his hazel gaze.

“Daphne.” He stated, then turning back to the view of the Pitts and the cars and the few people going about their late night business. Daphne resumed looking out on the city as well. She wasn’t sure what to say to him, he seemed almost broken, if that was the word she was looking for, although she wasn’t sure it was. When she looked into his clouded hazel eyes she could see how much being here, in this hospital again was hurting him.

“He’s going to be fine, he always is.” She stated plainly, then added, “He still loves you, you know, he never stopped.” At first she thought that maybe she should have left that last bit out, knowing how Brian was always harping on love. But then he turned to face her again, and his face seemed a little softer.

“Thanks Daph.” He said softly. The emotion in his voice broke her heart. She thought of her best friend and wondered how he could ever doubt how much this man cared for him. She leaned in and gave him a hug.

Across the room Debbie and Jenn were awestruck as Brian returned the hug briefly and then turned back to his post. She hadn’t heard the words spoken but Deb was grateful that Daphne had been able to get some kind of response out of Brian ‘It’s no wonder she and Sunshine are friends,’ she thought to herself, ‘they’re the only ones that can get past the Brian Kinney barrier.’ Daphne said a few more words to Brian, folded his jacket gently across the chair and turned to leave, she didn’t return to the seats, however, but walked off down the hallway.

Not soon after that Ted and Emmett arrived and after them, within minutes, Ben, Michael and Vic showed up. All of them made their way over to where the distraught mothers were sitting. Mel and Linds finally arrived after finding a last minute late-night sitter for Gus. They made their way over to where the rest of their family was sitting. Deb was recounting the days’ events up to the collapse, although avoiding Brian’s part during the ordeal. Everyone else was putting in their two cents about the situation, mentioning things that could have been construed as signs if they had been looking.

“He wasn’t able to concentrate when we were working on the last issue of Rage.” Michael put in. “I thought it was personal stuff, but now that I think of it he really didn’t seem himself.” Everyone else started to think about how Justin had been acting lately. Justin and Ethan had been together for about a year, so it wasn’t realistic that he was pining over Brian, although some of them had thought that this was the root of his behaviour. He had seemed increasingly tired, but those who weren’t convinced it was because of Brian were sure that it was just school getting to the blonde.

Daphne was making her way back to the waiting room with a tray of four coffees. She could see that the rest of the family had arrived. It warmed her heart to see that Justin had such a great group of people who cared about him. If he had only let them in, this whole situation probably could have been avoided. She saw that none of them had noticed Brian standing at the window yet, which was probably a good thing; from how he’d been with her earlier she doubted that he would be receptive to his friends right now. It was interesting to her that this gorgeous and confident man could just fade into the background when he saw fit. As she passed the entrance she bumped into someone coming in the doors, almost spilling the coffee.

“Shit.” She muttered to herself.

“Daphne?!” She heard the person who’d bumped into her exclaim. It was Ethan. She could see the worry on his face. Even though they didn’t get along all that well, he cared for her best friend, which was at least one thing that they had in common. “Is he alright?” he sounded panicked.

“Follow me.” She said and continued her way back to the waiting room. She had taken a few steps when she noticed that he wasn’t following. She looked back and saw the fear on his face as he looked at the rest of the gang who were already there. “They don’t bite, I promise. We’re all worried about Justin, just like you, so come on.” That was all it took. He steeled himself and followed Daphne as she made her way back to face the strange group of people that had become her best friends’ family.


	3. Carpe Noctem

Daphne and Ethan made their way over to the group who were in the middle of discussing what could have brought on such exhaustion. Justin had seemed fine to all of them. When they reached the makeshift family Daphne greeted the group, Ethan, on the other hand, stood next to her uncomfortably. He had been treated nicely by all of them, well, except for Michael, but that wasn’t unusual as Michael seemed to have issues with newcomers to the ‘family’, but he still felt strange about being in their midst without Justin there as his buffer. Although lately Justin had been fairly distant, but he had figured it was because of the headaches.

“Oh Ethan, you made it!” Jenn exclaimed. She had taken an immediate shine to Justin’s new boyfriend, mostly because he wasn’t Brian, but he also showed Justin the affection she felt that her son deserved. “Come here and sit next to me.” He complied and was grateful to have at least one Taylor there by his side in this den of lions.

“Here Deb, Mrs. Taylor,” Daphne said giving each woman a cup of coffee from the tray, “I thought you two could use some caffeinated sustenance.” Both women gratefully took the coffee, but before they could thank Daphne she had turned and was already on her way across the room again. The rest of the group was confused by her behaviour, not sitting and waiting with them. They watched as she approached a man with a somewhat dishevelled appearance standing on the opposite side of the room looking out the window into the night. 

“Coffee? I put in lots of sugar, that’s the way you like it, right?” She said gently to him. Only when he turned slightly to accept the coffee from Daphne did they realise who it actually was.

A chorus of gasps and surprised ‘Brian!’s’ rang through the gang.

“Oh, yeah,” Debbie began, “he’s been standing at that damned window since I got here, probably before that, actually. I tried talking to him, but I couldn’t get a thing out of him.” She looked up to see Daphne talking to him, and although she couldn’t hear the few words that were being said, Brian’s posture seemed to relax slightly. “She’s the only one that he seems to want to talk to right now.”

Before she had even uttered the last words Michael was already up and halfway across the room. Before he reached his best friend and Justin’s, however, a doctor came out to the waiting room.

“I’m looking for Justin Taylor’s family.” he stated looking at the rag-tag group before him.

Michael stopped mid-step and everyone turned to face the doctor – except for Brian, he kept his eyes out on the dark world outside.

“That’s us! What’s wrong with Sunshine?” Deb’s loud voice nearly silenced the entire waiting room.

The doctor considered her for a moment. “Are you his mother? I need to speak to the young man’s immediate family.” He said although he had a feeling that this wouldn’t dissuade the redheaded woman. Luckily for the doctor, Jennifer stood up, country-club manners taking over.

“Hello Dr….? she said holding out her hand.

“Dr. Shaw” he informed her taking the offered handshake.

“Dr. Shaw, I’m Jennifer Taylor, Justin’s mother, but all of these people are also a part of Justin’s family. Now can you please tell me what is wrong with my son?” her voice broke at the end of her sentence.

“Mrs. Taylor, we believe that your son collapsed due to an extreme migraine brought on by exhaustion and stress. His file told us that he sustained a head injury almost two years ago so we also gave him a CAT scan to make sure that there was no damage to his brain. That scan revealed that there is swelling causing extreme pressure on his brain, and it looks like it’s been building for a while, probably since the incident two years ago. It’s hard to believe that something like this has never happened before…”

“It has.” A voice interrupted the doctor. All eyes turned to Ethan, who was still sitting in his chair, eyes looking at the waiting room floor. If he hadn’t felt uncomfortable before, now he most certainly did. Now that every member of Justin’s family had their eyes focussed on him he figured he’d better continue. “It happened a few weeks ago, when Justin had just come home from an exam at school. He walked in the door rubbing his temples, when I asked him what was wrong; he looked at me shocked and then fell to the floor.” He explained voice shaking. He could still remember the fear that had coursed through his body when Justin had collapsed. “I raced to his side, and he came to within seconds. I wanted to call an ambulance, but he said that he would be fine, that it had been happening for a while. He told me he’d seen a doctor and that it was just another repercussion of the bashing.”

“Why didn’t you tell someone?” a strangely soft, yet forceful voice came from across the room. All the heads listening to Ethan turned in shock to face Brian. He had turned, his back to the window and now that they could see his face they finally saw how affected he had been by this. He looked exhausted, his eyes had dark circles under them and his appearance was rumpled, which they all knew had no place in Brian’s highly put-together look. Despite his tiredness he was now looking fiercely across the room at Ethan. Even Michael was unsure how to react to Brian’s unusual appearance. He just stood there stunned looking at his best friend, who barely looked like the man had known for all those years; he couldn’t recognise the change that had come over his best friend.

Across the room Ethan looked up and met Brian’s hard gaze. Luckily Ethan was saved from having to give an answer, as the doctor reminded them of his presence.

“Hm-hmm.” Dr. Shaw cleared his throat. Attention was returned to him. “Now while Justin is still unconscious, his condition is stable, we can allow you to go see him fami…” he was about to say that it was family only, but after what he had witnessed he was sure there was no way the rest of the assembled people would just leave without seeing his patient, “…in groups of two at most.”

As he led the first two, Jennifer and Daphne, to Justin’s room, the doctor thought how lucky this young man was to have so many people who cared for him.

Back in the waiting room, a strange kind of standoff had begun between Brian and Ethan. To the rest of the people in the room it seemed that the two were sizing each other up, wondering what their chances were against the other.

Now that all the discussions had died down Michael finally had the chance to go over to his best friend. “Hey Bri, are you alright?” he asked concerned for Brian, he didn’t seem to be himself tonight.

Brian, however only gave him a non-committal, non-emotional “Fine.” in response.

Michael didn’t know what to say, true he was still kind of angry with Justin for hurting Brian, but since they had been working on Rage together, he’d actually started to like the young man. Justin was always eager to work on the comic and interested to hear what Michael had to say on the subject. For a rare moment he was actually at a loss of words. But not for too long, “Do you want me to go in with you?”

This time Brian turned to look at Michael. He could see the concern in his eyes, but he really wasn’t up to being coddled by Mikey tonight. “No, Mikey, I’m a big boy I think I’ll be able to handle it. You go on home with the professor.”

Michael looked over to where Ben was standing with Deb and Vic watching the exchange. “Are you sure?” he asked again, he wanted to be there for his best friend, even though he wasn’t really sure how he felt about the situation or even what exactly the situation was.

“I’m sure, now run along.” Brian gave him a slight peck on the cheek and pushed him off in Ben’s direction.

Not long after Jenn and Daphne returned to the waiting room. Jenn looked over the people assembled in the waiting room, there for her son. She cleared her throat. “I want to thank you all for coming tonight. I know you mean a great deal to my son and I’m glad that there are so many people here who care about him.” Jenn announced in true WASP style, despite the fact that inside she was barely holding it together. Daphne put a hand on her shoulder, grounding her in the same way she’d always done for Justin.

“Come on Mrs. Taylor; let me take you home for a few hours. I’m sure Molly will want to know how her brother is, after you get a little rest at home you can come back fully prepared to help Justin get better.” Jennifer allowed herself to be lead out by Daphne. As she helped the older woman towards the exit she glanced over at where Brian was now standing, in the middle of the room facing Ethan. Brian looked up and met her eyes. She smiled, “Don’t forget your jacket.” She said, nodding in the direction of the chair where she had folded it next to his guard post at the window. Brian gave her a small smile.

“Thank you.” He replied, although he thought that maybe he would have to do something a little more for her. As he watched Daphne lead Jennifer Taylor out of the hospital, Brian had never been more glad that Justin had her in his life.


	4. Carpe Noctem

After Jenn and Daphne left the rest of the gang took it as a sign that they could finally go home or check on Justin themselves. While Ted and Emmett went home, Mel and Linds went to see Justin. When they came back out Linds walked over to her friend and gave him hug. She knew better than to push Brian when he was like this, although truth be told she’d never really seen him like this before. “You call if you need anything.” She said sincerely, looking to see if he would reveal anything of what was going on in his head.

He looked at her and gave her a slight smile. “I will.” Then his eyes returned to watching Ethan across the room. Lindsay had to be satisfied with that, but she felt her heart warm a bit, maybe Brian was finally coming around.

Mel came over and touched her elbow. “Come on, we need to get back.” As she and her wife left the building Mel glanced over at Brian. She’d never been a fan of his, but she was confused as to how she should react to this, to see him so visibly shaken was very out of character as far as she was concerned.

When Deb and Vic had returned from their turn to Justin’s room, they along with Michael and Ben all decided to head home. Michael looked back over at his best friend. Brian was still having a staring contest with Justin’s…his, well whatever. Michael was entirely confused by Brian tonight, he wasn’t being himself. He decided that he would have to go and talk to his best friend later to figure what the hell was going on.

Ethan and Brian were now left alone in the waiting room. Brian was still thinking about what Ethan had revealed earlier, about Justin collapsing before and decided to end the stand off and reiterate his question. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” He asked again, his hazel eyes boring into the brown ones of the man across the room.

“Who would I have told?” he asked exasperatedly, “You? And rush the inevitable.” He added with a sad laugh.

“What?!” What had before been anger at the young man for hiding Justin’s ailment now became confusion.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ethan exclaimed and then sighed, he really didn’t want to do this here, but from the look he was getting from Brian he knew there was no way of avoiding it. “I barely know you and have really only known Justin for a relatively short amount of time but it’s obvious to me, and probably everyone else, that you two will get back together.” Brian looked at him shocked. “I guess I just wanted to cherish the time we still had…” he trailed off and glanced down at the floor. Brian was surprised by this insight. It was something that he was hoping for, but the last person he’d expected to hear it from was the violinist who had stolen Justin’s heart. He suddenly felt a surge of respect for the man across the room, he’d held on to what he’d wanted, unlike him, pushing Justin away.

Ethan looked back up at Brian. “I love him.” He stated simply, returning his eyes to the floor.

Instead of giving a standard Kinneyism on the subject of love Brian studied the other man’s face. ‘I know the feeling.’ Brian thought to himself, not saying anything else, his silence speaking volumes.

Brian watched as the other man stared at the floor for the moment deciding on his next move. He then turned and walked over to the window picked up his jacket where Daphne had left it for him, slung it over his shoulder and sauntered back across the room.

“After you.” He said motioning to the hallway that led to Justin’s room. Ethan looked up at him hesitantly but the desire to see his lover took over and he stood and began walking towards the room.

Brian and Ethan walked side by side down the corridor, keeping their distance as they made their way to Justin’s room. Once they reached their destination they both stepped quietly into the room, despite being told that the blonde was still unconscious. There were relatively few machines in the room, since Justin’s condition was stable. Brian hated seeing the younger man like this; he looked fragile and more pale than usual.

Both men were hyper aware of the other’s presence. Brian, never one to be self-conscious, felt unsure about how to act in front of the younger man. What he really wanted to do was to go over to Justin and just touch him to make sure he was alright, he was sure that then he could finally feel some relief over the blonde’s state. However, with Ethan in the room, he refrained himself, as did the other man.

They both stood just inside the doorway for quite some time. The look on Ethan’s face was a troubled one and anyone who looked at him would have been able to tell he was doing some serious thinking and deciding. Brian, however, was completely focussed on the man in the hospital bed across the room, watching his chest rise and fall as he slept.

Finally after more than half an hour of silence, Ethan spoke. “What are you doing here Brian?”

Brian thought for a moment, what could, or should, he reveal to the man next to him? He decided it was all or nothing, and went for it. “You see that blonde sleeping across the room?” he asked without removing his gaze from Justin’s sleeping form, “I’m here because of him. Because I hate waking up without him in my bed, because when he’s not around he’s all I think about and when he is around he’s all I see. Because I miss watching his eyes dance while he’s creating something beautiful, or the way only he can make me feel.” He finally took his eyes off of Justin’s form and turned to look at the man standing next to him. He could see in Ethan’s eyes how much he cared for Justin, but he could also see something else, something he couldn’t quite place. “I’m here because this time…this time, I’ll fight for him.” As he let the last words escape his lips, his voice cracked with emotion. Brian felt a wonderful sense of relief fill him, because he knew what else was in Ethan’s eyes now, acceptance. 

Ethan nodded his head. Brian watched as he walked over to the side of Justin’s bed and placed a gentle kiss on the artist’s forehead. He looked up at Brian, a fierce look in his eyes, “You better take good care of him, cause if you don’t I’ll be there…”

Brian looked at Justin’s angelic form and smiled, “No need to worry, I won’t be letting go again, any time soon.”

Ethan took one more glance over the form of his muse and then left the room, and Justin, to Brian.

As Brian made his way over to his unconscious blonde he realised everything he had just revealed to Ethan, someone who was almost a complete stranger! Brian Kinney revealing that he had emotions? That he actually cared about someone? It was all true, but something that he rarely admitted, even to himself, let alone out loud. He shook his head. ‘What the hell is wrong with me? It must be this goddamned place!’ 

However, looking at the pale features of the young man in the bed next to him, Brian realised how close he came to losing Justin again, without ever letting him know how he felt. He gently pushed back some of the blonde hair that was covering Justin’s eyes. His hair was longer, and it looked damn hot, but it was nothing compared to those beautiful blues. Brian had always loved Justin’s eyes; they were beautiful and so bright. They sparkled most of the time, when he was around people; but when they were alone, Brian could make them turn into deep blue lust-filled pools.

As he had already been at the hospital for hours and the nurse who came to check up on Justin’s vitals assured him it would be at least a few more hours before Justin would come around, Brian decided to get a little rest in the uncomfortable hospital chair in the corner of Justin’s room.

~~~***~~~***~~~

A few hours later Brian awoke to the sun that was now streaming through the dusty Venetian blinds. He stood up to stretch; his long limbs were in agony after sleeping on the cheap plastic chair. As he stood he pushed the chair and it scraped across the floor. 

Across the room the blonde’s eyes shot open and looked around nervously. Brian was still mid-stretch when he heard the soft voice whisper fearfully, “Is someone there?”

Brian immediately looked across the room; to be sure he had heard what he had thought he had. Justin was awake! His eyes were still darting around the room and he looked extremely tense. “It’s me, it’s Brian.” He said. Justin’s posture immediately relaxed. Brian took that to mean that Justin didn’t mind that it was him who was there.

“Would you turn on a light, I can’t see a damned thing.” Justin asked Brian with a slight laugh. Brian on the other hand looked at Justin like he’d grown another head. 

‘Turn on a light?’ he thought, ‘Was this some kind of joke?’ The sunshine that was coming through the window was bright enough to fill the entire room with light however the way Justin had said it made Brian unsure if he was joking or not. He took a few uneasy steps closer to Justin’s bed. Justin’s eyes were looking in his direction, but not at him. Brian began to feel extremely uneasy. 

“Where are you? Will you please turn on a light?” Justin pleaded with the man approaching his bed. Brian finally reached the side of Justin’s hospital bed. Justin could feel his presence and looked over to the side of the bed, hoping to see Brian’s outline in the darkness, but there was nothing but black. The uneasy feeling that Brian had, suddenly began to stir inside Justin.

“Brian?” The fear in the younger man’s voice as he said his name broke Brian’s heart. He reached over and gripped Justin’s hand, but couldn’t make out any words to say. He saw as Justin bent his head down to look at their hands and then looked back at him with imploring, yet strangely void eyes.

“It’s light in here isn’t it?” Justin said sadly, closing his eyes and leaning back on the bed. He knew that Brian would never lie or sugarcoat things for him.

“Yes.” Brian’s voice almost caught in his throat as he saw defeat wash over Justin’s features. He watched in disbelief as a tear escaped from Justin’s now sightless eyes and rolled down his porcelain cheek. 


	5. Carpe Noctem

Brian was standing outside of the hospital having a much needed cigarette. It was late afternoon and it was already freezing, the wind was whipping through his chestnut hair and numbing any exposed part of skin. He didn’t feel any of this since he was already numb on the inside from the shock. He took another drag from his cigarette and tried, yet again, to digest the information. Justin was blind! How the Hell could this happen? It was unfuckingbelievable! After everything the blonde had already been through, now he was fucking blind. Brian was angry, it was unfair. Couldn’t life give Justin a break for once? No, apparently not.

Strangely though, Justin seemed to have immediately accepted his new situation. Brian was sure that it was just shock and denial, but as soon as Brian had told him that the lights were on Justin seemed to resign himself to his new fate. That was hours ago. Jennifer had returned not long after and had immediately started fawning over her son. Brian left, not wanting to be in the room when she discovered that Justin couldn’t see. 

He had gone to the cafeteria to get some coffee, but on his way there decided to go home instead. However, when he’d walked into the loft he remembered once again how empty it seemed without Justin. He could see that his answering machine light was flashing and he pushed the button to listen to his messages as he made his way to the shower. He had one from both Deb and Linds, both checking in on him to see how he was. There was one from Cynthia wondering where the hell he was and about fifteen from Michael whining into the machine about him missing breakfast this morning and other various ‘Mikey’ things. He ignored them all and climbed under the hot spray of his shower. He let the water wash over him and tune out the world for a few minutes but it wasn’t long before his mind was back in the hospital room across town. So he got out of the shower, put on some jeans and a sweater. He was just about ready to go when he decided to let Cynthia know that he would probably miss the next couple of days at work. She promised to keep things running for him until he got back. With that finished Brian grabbed his coat and headed back across town.

Yet, now that he was here, Brian couldn’t come up with the strength to go inside the building. If he went up to Justin’s room he would have to accept something he refused to accept. As he was fiddling in his pockets to pull out another cigarette in another effort to stall he felt a hand on his elbow. 

“Brian.” The voice stated.

Brian turned around to face Daphne. By the looks of her she hadn’t slept all that much. He looked her in the eyes, “He still can’t see?” 

At that she broke his gaze and looked down, then softly responded, “No.”

“Fuck.” Brian muttered. He looked at Daphne, who was shuddering slightly, but not because of the cold. She was crying. Brian had very little experience in dealing with crying women, thank God, but after all she’d done for him and Justin in the past 24 hours, he felt like maybe he should do something. He put a consoling hand on her shoulder, unfortunately that lead to him being engulfed in a hug. Luckily that seemed to get the anguish out of Daphne’s system. A few moments later she pulled back and looked at Brian.

“Thanks, it’s been a really long day and a half and well, I haven’t really had a chance to cry.” She explained self-consciously. Brian looked her over. He always knew she was strong, and right now she was doing everything in her power to be as strong as possible for Justin and Jennifer. He realised that he needed to be strong for her as well as for the blonde up in the hospital room and steeled himself.

“Shall we?” He said motioning to the doors. With that he and Daphne headed inside the hospital.

Brian and Daphne rode silently as the elevator took them up to Justin’s floor. Brian was nervous as hell, and he couldn’t figure out why. He’d already witnessed the fact that Justin was blind, so why should this time be any different? As they approached the room, Brian saw Dr. Shaw leaving. He sped up and walked past Justin’s room without glancing in. If he had he would have seen Justin turn to face the door just as he walked past.

“Doctor, excuse me, Doctor!” Brian said to try to and get the physicians’ attention. Dr. Shaw turned to face the brunette. He recognised the man in front of him from the previous day and as the one who spent the night in his patients’ room. When he’d gone in while doing his rounds during the night he was pleased to see that the man had finally gotten some sleep, he had looked exhausted.

“Yes…?”

“Brian Kinney”

“Mr. Kinney what can I do for you?” Dr. Shaw asked although he’s already fairly certain as to what Brian wanted to discuss.

“Doctor,” Brian paused, suddenly unsure of what he’s about to ask for fear of the answer. “Doctor. How can this be? Will Justin really never see again?” The thought of Justin never being able to draw again suddenly flashed through Brian’s mind, the sparkle in his eyes as he sketched to his hearts’ content. It broke his heart to think that that sparkle could be gone forever.

Dr. Shaw could see how much this meant to the man in front of him, and told him the truth. “Mr. Kinney, we can’t be sure right now. I spoke with Mr. Taylor; he said that he has experienced temporary blindness accompanied with the blackouts before. From what he told me it was always a very brief spell.” At this Brian felt both surprise and hope, but it didn’t last long as the doctor continued. “Unfortunately this does not seem to be passing. To tell the truth we aren’t sure right now. It could clear up in the next two hours, two days, two years, or, quite possibly it could be a permanent condition.”

After he delivered the news Dr. Shaw could see how disheartened Brian was by it. But when he laid a consoling hand on Brian’s shoulder, he stiffened and looked up, face devoid of emotion. “Thank you Doctor.” he said shortly, then turning and heading back towards Justin’s room.

Although he had put the mask on for the doctor, inside he couldn’t believe it. ‘Blind! Fucking blind! What the fuck was Justin supposed to do now?’ As he reached the door to Justin’s room he watched as Justin spoke with Daphne while his mother fussed over him.

Inside the room Justin had had enough. He was fucking tired of being smothered by his mother. She was treating him like he was a child and it was frustrating. Sure, he couldn’t see, but he’d kind of been expecting it. The first time he lost his vision it was terrifying, even though it was only for a few seconds. He could still remember the how the fear had coursed through him when he realised his eyes were open and that he wasn’t seeing anything. Now he had just accepted the fact that this was the way things were going to have to be, sure it was a tough break, but when did he ever get a free ride in life? Getting kicked out of home, getting bashed, the whole Brian/Ethan fiasco… Brian, he had been there when he’d woken up, but had left a while ago. He thought he’d felt him nearby earlier when Daphne had arrived, he figured he was imagining things; it wouldn’t be the first time. But now that he thought about it, she kind of smelled like him.

He turned to his friend, she was busy recounting the tale of some party she had been to a few nights ago. “Where’s Brian?” he interrupted. She stopped her tale, although he couldn’t see her or where she was looking, he instinctively turned and faced to where the door to his room was.

Brian had been standing silent at the door watching Justin. He seemed strangely okay with the fact that he couldn’t see Daphne as she was recounting some fucking story about a hetero party she’d gone to. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Justin say his name. Daphne looked up and met his eyes, and then Justin turned and looked at him. Brian’s heart rose, maybe he could see after all! But after a moment he realised that he was wrong, the beautiful blue eyes were looking through him. He took a tentative step into the room. Jennifer looked surprised to see him. In truth she thought that after the night before she wouldn’t be seeing Brian again, and had been shocked to discover that he had spent the night in her son’s room.

“Hey.” Was all he could think to say to the man in the bed in the middle of the room.

“Hey.” Was the simple response that he received. 

“Brian, it’s so nice of you to drop by to check in on Justin.” Jennifer said, breaking the silence that had settled in the room. “I hear you were here when he woke up. I’m glad that someone he knew was here, thank you.” She was being polite, despite feeling uneasy about Brian coming back into her son’s life. The results before had been disastrous and she didn’t want to see her baby hurt again. The tension in the room was palpable, even though Brian wanted Justin back in his life he didn’t feel like dealing with his overbearing mother.

Daphne was in action before anything else was said. She jumped up from her chair and made her way over to Jennifer. 

“Mrs. Taylor, isn’t Molly getting out of school about now? Maybe we should drop by and give her an update on her brother’s condition.” 

“Well, I…” Jennifer began.

“Well we better hurry if we’re going to catch her before she gets on the bus!”

Daphne picked up the elder Taylor’s coat and purse and hurried her out the door before she had a chance to really figure out what was happening. As Daphne passed Brian she gave him a wink and a smile of encouragement.

When Brian’s gaze returned to the brightly lit room he saw that Justin had lay back down on the bed, eyes closed. He thought that maybe Justin had fallen asleep now that Daphne and his mother had left, it probably took a lot of energy to deal with an overbearing mother, not that Brian would know anything about that. He was saved from dwelling on thoughts of his unhappy childhood by Justin’s voice.

“What are you doing here, Brian?” Justin was confused as to why this man whom he had rarely spoken to over the past year was at the hospital with him yet again.

Brian stayed silent. He really didn’t know what to say. Just yesterday he had finally mustered up the guts to go talk to Justin at the diner, but he hadn’t been sure exactly what the words were going to be. Now he was even more unsure. He let his mind begin to go through all the things he had wanted to say and how the hell he could say them. 

Justin, in the meantime, was worried that maybe he was just talking to himself. He turned his head towards the door and opened his unseeing eyes.

“Are you still there?” he asked the silence where he had believed Brian to be.

“Yeah, I’m still here.” Brian replied finally walking the rest of the way into the room. His thoughts becoming convoluted with ways to answer Justin’s question. He stood at the foot of Justin’s bed, whose face was now trained in his direction, having followed the footfalls across the linoleum. Brian was torn as to whether or not to reveal his true intentions, was now a good time?

Even though he couldn’t see the man standing at the end of his bed, Justin knew why he was still silent. “Christ Brian! Will you stop overanalysing and answer the damn question?” Brian was always an over thinker, something that, now that Justin thought about it, was probably another reason why their ‘relationship’ had ended in disaster.

This statement, however, didn’t prompt an answer from Brian but a question of his own. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Read my mind like that?”

Justin smiles slightly to himself. He had thought that he could ‘read’ Brian so well, but somehow had lost that ability after the bat to his skull. This wasn’t answering why Brian was here and was making him increasingly frustrated. “You were always an easy read, Brian. Now would you answer my question? What are you doing here? We barely speak for a year then I collapse, end up at the hospital and you’re at my fucking side? I don’t need your pity!” 

Brian was shocked and kind of amused at the tirade he was on the receiving end of, and thought it was kind of funny that Justin was so worked up. “Quit being such a drama princess!” He threw back, although he almost immediately regretted his words when he saw Justin’s head fall back on the pillow in defeat.

A soft ‘fuck you’ was all he got in response. Justin was exhausted and he really didn’t feel like dealing with Brian fucking Kinney and his attitude at the moment. He did just find out he was blind after all, didn’t that give him the slightest right to be dramatic?

That was the deciding moment for Brian. He was sick of all the back and forth shit that he and Justin were doing. He always prided himself on being a no-bullshit kind of guy, yet it seemed that whenever he and Justin were together that’s all there was.

“I haven’t been sleeping well.” Brian said. 

Justin furrowed his brows in confusion. ‘What the hell was that supposed to mean?’ Before he could ask however, Brian was continuing.

“During my entire regrettable childhood I always wanted a big bed. As you can imagine at Jack and Joanie’s I was relegated to a tiny single-sized bed. I wanted something where I could stretch out to my heart’s content with no worry about a limb falling over the side. So, the first thing I bought when I got the loft was my bed. Finally I had a bed where I could roll twice over without any concern of touching the ground on the other side. In this past year, for the first time in my life, I’ve hated having such a big bed. The mattress is comfortable and the sheets are perfect, still night after night I lie awake for hours willing sleep to take me as I try to get comfortable in the middle of the bed. Every morning when I wake up from my minimal hours of sleep, I’m wrapped up in the sheets on the right hand side of that bed.”

Justin knew what was being revealed to him, but was finding it hard to take in. Brian’s voice was genuine and sounded almost pained, but without being able to see his face or posture he couldn’t be sure if this was some kind of trick or not. 

Brian could see the conflict on the blonde’s beautiful face and walked over to the side of the bed. He stood next to Justin and took his hand in his own. He brought his other hand to Justin’s face, running it down his cheek and then cupping his face. He’d missed the feel of Justin’s perfect skin. His hazel eyes locked in on Justin’s wide, blank blue ones. 

“I want to sleep again.”


	6. Carpe Noctem

Justin blinked his unseeing eyes, trying to convey the utter confusion at the information Brian had so freely volunteered. Although he was overjoyed to hear this kind of confession he suddenly thought of Ethan. As much as he wanted to be with Brian he couldn’t possibly just walk out on Ethan after all of their time together. When he had asked about him earlier, his mother said that he had been there the night before and had stayed after she had gone to check on Molly. Strangely though Ethan wasn’t there when he woke up, instead it was a voice from his past, Brian. 

Brian found he was feeling relieved to get his true feelings out in the open. That feeling, however, quickly vanished when he saw the look of sadness wash over Justin’s features. Had he been too quick to assume that Justin still felt the same way about him?

Justin slid his hand out of Brian’s and sighed. If only Brian had been so forthright when they were still together.

“Brian…I’m with Ethan…” he began but as he said the words he began to doubt them. Now that he thought about it he hadn’t heard a thing from his boyfriend during this whole ordeal. Instead there was Brian, having a seemingly ubiquitous presence. As much as he appreciated the attention he began to worry; was he that easily tossed aside, or had something happened to Ethan?

Brian watched as a myriad emotions washed over Justin’s perfect features. He always did wear his heart on sleeve, and Brian could see how the sudden realisation that Ethan was nowhere to be found was concerning him.

“He was here.” Brian stated to the worried blonde.

Justin looked briefly relieved then perplexed. If Ethan knew that Justin was in the hospital why wasn’t he here now?

“Is he here now?” he asked, then remembering that Brian was here, “Did you do something Brian?”

“We did talk” Brian replied.

“You spoke?” Justin asked incredulously. “What about?” He was suspicious of his lover and his ex being so familiar.

“You.” That was not the response Justin had wanted to hear. Brian watched as Justin sank back into the thin hospital pillow. He could only smirk to himself, knowing Justin assumed the worst. Who wouldn’t? Remembering Justin couldn’t see the smirk wiped it from his face and began to fess up. 

“We talked about the one thing we have in common, and that happened to be you, and how much you mean to both of us.”

“If I mean so much to him, then where is he?” Justin exclaimed, finally voicing his concern.

Brian looked at the defeated blonde in front of him thoughtfully. What was it about Justin that made him want to bare his soul? He figured that with all the rest of the confessions he’d made today why stop?

“He left after I told him that I’d fight for you. I gave him my word that I’d take care of you.” Brian still couldn’t really comprehend why he was allowing all of this information to spew so freely from his mouth. Although when he saw the blonde smiling in his direction he had a pretty good idea. 

“You really said that? To Ethan?’”

“Yeah.”

“I think maybe I should get you committed.” Justin said with a grin.

Brian laughed; glad to see that Justin was in relatively good spirits, or at least good enough to poke fun at his mental health.

***~~~***~~~***

The next few days were all monotony for Justin. He was still in the hospital, since the doctors were still trying to assess his situation. His mother and Daphne came and visited everyday, the rest of the gang would drop in when they were free. Brian also came to visit, although it was usually in the evening right before he went to sleep, although he didn’t mind listening to Brian relate the events of his day while he drifted off to sleep, quite honestly he loved having Brian around again and the fact that he was coming because he wanted too only made it better.

This afternoon Justin lay in his bed, enjoying the warmth of the sunlight that was washing over him, when he suddenly felt a change in the air in the room. He could sense a presence just outside the door of his room, it was familiar but one he couldn’t quite place. He knew it wasn’t his mother, she had an overbearing air about her, or Brian; Justin had been able to tell when he was in the room even when he could see.

“Hello?” he inquired, hoping to break the ice since he could feel the hesitancy of the person at the door.

Silence. Ethan stood at the door not sure of his next move. It had taken a lot for him to come back to the hospital, but he felt he had to see and talk to Justin one last time before letting go. Seeing Justin lying wreathed in the sunlight that was pouring in the windows only served to remind him of what he was leaving behind.

“Hello?” Justin tried again.

“Hey.” Ethan finally replied, taking a few tentative steps in to the room. 

“Ethan.” Justin sighed, finally placing the familiar feeling.

Ethan made his way over towards the bed in the middle of the room. Justin tracking his progress as he listened to Ethan’s slow steps across the room. 

When he reached the foot of the bed, Ethan watched Justin position his head so that he was facing where Ethan is standing. The thought that he might have been able to prevent this whole situation was almost enough to make him want to run out of the room, but the beautiful blonde laying in the bed in from of him steadied that urge.

Ethan softly cleared his throat, “How are you doing?” he asked, knowing what a stupid question it is.

“Much better. How about you, you haven’t been around?” Justin truly was curious as to why Ethan had left. He knew what Brian told him about their encounter three days ago, but Justin had wanted to hear it from Ethan himself.

Ethan remained silent, not sure of what to say. Justin reached out his hand toward Ethan. “Come closer, please.” Justin said. Ethan, who never could refuse his muse, walked around the bed towards the outstretched hand. When he reached the side of the bed he took Justin’s hand in his and sat down in the chair next to the bed. 

“Why?” Justin asked. Ethan looked up and saw the blank blue eyes looking imploringly in his direction.

“Because I love you,” he said simply before continuing, “and I know that you never loved me like you love him.” At this point Justin tried to interject, but isn’t allowed to. “Don’t deny it, I always knew and still loved you just the same. I also know how much he cares for you.” Ethan thought back to the night in the waiting room, seeing Brian completely dishevelled awaiting the news of Justin’s condition.  
“And as much as I love you I know that he can take better care of you.” His voice trailed off at the end of the sentence as he lowered his head.

Justin released his hold on Ethan’s hand and followed his arm up to the down-turned face. He placed a hand under Ethan’s chin and raised his face. “This is not your fault. You have to know that. There is nothing you or Brian could have done to prevent this. You know that right. This was just an inevitable part of life that I have to deal with, all right?” Justin’s adamant tone lightened Ethan’s heart. He was happy to know that Justin didn’t blame him, but then again….

“What do you mean inevitable?” he asked not understanding how going blind could be an inevitability in life.

“Never mind.” Justin said waving a hand in dismissal of the subject. “Thanks for coming by Ethan it really means a lot to me.”

Before Ethan had a chance to try and go back to the dismissed subject a nurse came in. “Justin, it’s time for therapy.” She said bringing a wheel chair over to the bed.

As she helped Justin in to the chair he said once again, “Thank you Ethan.”

Ethan watched sadly as Justin was rolled from the room and his life. “Anytime Justin, anytime.”

***~~~***~~~***

Justin had been in the hospital for just over a week as Brian made his way there. He was in a good mood, he and Justin were getting along well, and it was encouraging. Brian had been coming to the hospital in the evenings to visit with Justin after work. Justin seemed almost back to normal, the only thing that seemed really off was that Justin was quieter than usual, Brian was the one who did most of the talking during their visits and he was sure he had never spoken so much in his entire life. Brian could remember when they were living together that he sometimes wished he could put a muzzle on the blonde. What still concerned Brian was Justin’s blindness and his acceptance of the whole thing. Had it been anyone else he knew, they would be whining and complaining, and playing the “Oh woe is me” situation to the fullest degree. Not Justin. Justin seemed to be just fine with not being able to see anymore.

When Brian arrived at Justin’s room the blonde was absent. He checked with the nurses’ station, they told him that Justin was at therapy, and would be there for another fifteen minutes or so. 

Deciding rather than heading home and then coming back, he would go down and see how Justin was progressing. Maybe he could see if there was anyway that he could help in Justin’s recovery.

Inside the hospital’s therapy room Justin was sitting with his visual therapist, Josh. Which, in his mind was somewhat of a contradiction considering he couldn’t see a damn thing. He was being a good sport though because he knew he was going to need to use all the things that Josh was teaching him for the rest of his life. He said rest of his life, because, unlike Daphne or his mother, he was sure his new state was a permanent one. He wasn’t holding on to any beliefs that one day might magically get his sight back, and everything ‘would be just like it used to be’! He’d already suffered enough tragedy in his young life to know that what doesn’t kill you only makes you jaded.

He’d learned to walk with his brand-spankin’ new cane, something that made him feel a little more pathetic than he had wanted. What he was finding most difficult was learning to read Braille, sure it was just a little basic stuff like numbers 1-10 and the alphabet, but still. The doctors weren’t sure if he should learn or not, but since his sight still hadn’t returned, they figured the basics couldn’t hurt.

Josh had been completely honest in telling him that it would be the most difficult part of the therapy. It was much easier for kids than adults to learn reading the little bumps and indents and Justin was finding that to be completely true. He ran his index finger over the dots, trying to decipher the hidden meaning.

“So Justin, what’s it say?” Josh asked him.

“Supercallifragilisticexpialidotious?” Justin responded dejectedly. Josh smiled at him, knowing that everyone always had a hard time in the beginning.

“Well it’s actually ‘cat’, but at least you were close.” He said with a laugh. He got a smile from Justin. “Seriously, though, Justin it will get easier, I promise.”

Justin let out a huff that indicated he really didn’t think so.

“You’re an artist, right?” Josh began

“Was.” Justin corrected.

Josh continued as if not hearing the interruption. “I bet when you were just beginning you weren’t drawing perfect portraits. It took practice and so does this. We’ll work here on it, and then when you go home I’m sure someone will be willing to help you practice.”

Justin thought for a moment, this really was something he needed to learn. “I suppose I won’t be reading “War and Peace” anytime soon though.”

Josh smiled. Happy to know that his patient would at least give this the effort it deserved. “Probably not, but I bet you could listen to it on audio book, if you could stay awake for the whole thing.”

Brian watched as Justin laughed at whatever comment his therapist had made. It was nice to see Justin laughing, although it would be even nicer to see him cry. He hadn’t shed a tear over his new condition and Brian was sure that there was some sort of repression going on, Brian, of course, being the master of repression. Justin had always been the more emotional of the two of them and it had gotten on Brian’s nerves. Now he would give anything for those ridiculous emotions.

Brian moved to the door when he saw Justin get up and turn to make his way back upstairs. 

“Today’s the day!” Josh was saying

“What day might that be?” Justin bantered back. 

“The day you get to use your cane to get back to your room, with me following behind, of course.”

“Yipee” Justin said flatly. 

Brian smiled the banter. At least Justin’s sense of humour was unaffected.

Justin raised his head to the door, arching an eyebrow in concentration; a look that Brian didn’t miss. He was sure that Justin was trying to figure out if it was actually him standing there without being able to see him. Before he could greet the blonde, Justin spoke.

“Hey Josh.” Josh looked up and saw Justin motion to the door. He saw a handsome brunette leaning against the doorjamb watching the blonde. “Let me guess,” Justin continued. “Male, brunette, hazel eyes, about 6’2”. Wearing Prada boots, jeans, mmm, a black t-shirt and a leather jacket. Probably is arching an eyebrow and has a tongue in cheek smirk on his face. Am I right?”

Josh smiled. “Christ, that was the worst guess I’ve ever heard! There’s no damn leather jacket. You should get that ESP checked.”

Brian took a few steps into the room. “The jacket’s upstairs in your room.”

Justin gave Josh a smirk. “Brian, Josh, Josh, Brian.”

“Ah, Brian Kinney. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

“All good I hope.” 

Justin let out a bark of laughter.

“Mmm, I guess not.” Brian smiling. 

Josh handed Justin his cane. “We better be on our way Mr. Psychic Hotline.” Josh put a hand under Justin’s elbow. “Alright, just like we practiced.”

Brian and Josh followed just behind Justin as he made his way slowly and silently down the hall towards the elevator.

“So, Justin, I think you’ll be able to head home soon. Pretty exciting eh?” Josh said, trying to make conversation.

Justin’s step faltered slightly. “Yeah, I guess.” That thought really hadn’t occurred to him. But suddenly he realised he would be heading home, although he wasn’t sure where home was exactly. He was living with Ethan, but now he would be heading home to his mother’s house. 

Brian could see that Justin had suddenly realised he was going home to Jennifer’s, not Ethan’s. That was his fault and he knew it, but he didn’t regret it at all. 

They reached the elevator and got on. Brian was about to push the button for Justin’s floor, but Josh stopped him. “Justin, push the button for floor 5 please.” They both watched as Justin’s finger moved clumsily over the Braille under the numbers. He finally came to the five. His finger moved across it, then again. Without asking the other men he confidently pushed the ‘5’.

“See, I told you,” Josh said. “You’re already pressing elevator buttons! War and Peace here we come!”

Brian who had missed the conversation looked at him, like he was nuts. “Tolstoy? I thought only professors and pretentious English students read that?”

Josh and Justin just laughed and left Brian bewildered, he hadn’t heard Justin talk so much let alone laugh out loud since he’d been in the hospital. The doors on the fifth floor opened. Justin moved towards the door and Brian followed behind. Josh stayed in the elevator. “Well, Justin this is where I stay on. I’ll leave you in Brian’s capable hands and see you tomorrow.”

“Alrighty, tomorrow, same Braille time, same Braille channel.” Justin said with a laugh.

He heard the doors close, and turned to face Brian. “Don’t look at me like that.” Justin said.

Brian realised he was giving him a rather incredulous look. A smiled, knowing that Justin could tell what kind of look he was getting was reassuring.

They turned and continued their slow journey towards Justin’s room. 

“So when are you getting out of here?” Brian said, trying to figure out a way to broach the subject he’d been thinking of since he’d arrived at the hospital today.

“Soon I hope.” Was the reply.

“Well when you do I…” Brian paused, not sure if this was the right thing to do, but deciding it really didn’t matter. “I’d like you to move back into the loft.”

Brian almost ran into Justin as he had stopped cold in his tracks.

“What? I think my hearing might be on the fritz as well.”

“Move in with me.” Brian repeated.

Justin started walking again. “I don’t know Brian. That didn’t really work last time and now, well, I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Justin, you’re not a burden.” Although Brian could understand Justin’s thinking, he would hate to be in the situation where he needed the kind of attention that Justin would need. But he wanted to be there for the blonde.

They continued to the room in silence, both men thinking about Brian’s proposition. Justin didn’t want to move in with Brian if it was out of pity and he most definitely didn’t want to be an imposition. He was sure this was going to take some serious thought. 

“JUSTIN!” came Jennifer Taylor’s voice from inside the room. “I was so worried when I got here and you were nowhere to be seen. Where were you?!”

“I was in therapy.” Said Justin making his way over to his bed. His mother immediately started fussing over him, trying to help him get into the bed.

“Oh. Well I spoke to your doctor today, and guess what?” Before anyone could guess, she continued. “You can go home in two days! Isn’t that great?”

Brian looked at the blonde being forced into the covers. Justin turned his head towards the door where he knew Brian was standing.

“I’m moving in with Brian.” Justin blurted out over his mother’s excited ramblings. 

Jennifer stopped mid-sentence, all WASP-ishness void of her voice as she said, “WHAT?” She looked at her son and then finally acknowledging the other man.

Brian looked at the flabbergasted woman and although he was surprised himself he managed to say with a satisfied smirk “I do believe he said he’s moving in with me.”


	7. Carpe Noctem

Justin was sitting in the chair by the window in his hospital room thinking. He did a lot of thinking lately. He was waiting for Daphne to come and pick him up to take him to Brian’s. His mother had finally lain off now that he had chosen to go and live at Brian’s. He still wasn’t sure what it was that possessed him to agree to go back to the loft, although he was sure that it had something to do with the way his mom had been suffocating him. He was unsure about how the whole thing would work out with Brian, he still loved him, of that there was no doubt, but did Brian feel the same way? They had been talking a lot lately, actually Brian had been doing a lot of talking lately, Justin just didn’t really feel like talking much right now.

Before Justin had a chance to get far on the Brian train of thought he heard Daphne coming in to his room. She had a kind of bouncy step that he had come to recognise. He really hadn’t believed in all that ‘when you lose one sense, your others are extra sensitive’ bullshit, but now that he couldn’t see, he found it to be somewhat true.

“Well, aren’t we looking aplomb today?” Daphne said as she entered the room. Justin turned to face his best friend.

“Aplomb, really?” he looked at her with a disbelieving look. Since Justin had been in the hospital he and Daphne had been playing a game where every day Daphne randomly chose a word from the dictionary that they both had to try and use in a sentence before the end of the day. It was kind of fun but Justin was pretty sure that it was just Daphne’s way of trying to give his mind something to do other than all the thinking he’d been doing lately.

“It means ‘calm self-possession’. So I think technically I’m right.” 

“Whatever, Daph.” He gave her a small smile, he she was right.-

“All right, Justin, I do believe that I promised you a non-hospital lunch before we make our way over to the loft.”

***~~~***~~~***

Across town Michael was on a warpath as he made his way to the top floor of Brian’s building. For a week and a half his best friend had been practically invisible. He’d stopped showing up for breakfasts at the diner and was nowhere to be found after work. If Brian did show up at Woody’s it was usually only a short period of time before he made up an excuse to leave. Michael had left an almost constant strain of messages on his machine and cell phone, a tactic that worked in the past but apparently not this time.

As he reached Brian’s door he could see that it was open and he could hear voices inside. As much of an exhibitionist as Brian was he never left his door open when he had tricks over, yet there was definitely another man inside. Michael peered inside the loft. Brian and his visitor were both still wearing clothes so that bode well.

“This place is great Brian.” Michael heard the other man say.

“So you think it will work?” Brian inquired. What the hell? Michael immediately jumped to conclusions. Was Brian moving? He hadn’t heard anything about it, but maybe that’s why Brian had been avoiding all of them lately.

“Yeah, with a few small adjustments I think it will be just about perfect.” The stranger replied.

Michael, never one for timing or tact, barged in on the conversation. “Brian?” he said making his presence known. Both men turned to face the newcomer. Brian rolled his eyes when Michael gave the other man in the room a glare.

“Is there a particular reason you’ve invited yourself in?” Brian said making his way over to the kitchen to put down the bottle of water he had been drinking, the other man following him over. 

Michael really didn’t feel like having this conversation in front of a complete stranger. “Could you get rid of this guy, I really don’t want to talk to you in front of one of your tricks.” Michael said bluntly giving the man another glare. The man smiled and looked at Brian, who was giving Mikey one of those ‘you’re so pathetic’ looks.

“Wait until I tell my girlfriend, she’s going to think this is hilarious.” 

Mikey’s face went from a glare to a blank and confused look.

“Josh, Mikey. Mikey, Josh, Justin’ visual therapist.” Brian explained as the confusion deepened for the shorter man.

Before Michael could speak again, Josh spoke. “Well Brian, as I said I think this place will work just fine, so I’ll be on my way and see you later.” He shook Brian’s hand then turned to Michael, “Nice to meet you Michael.” He said with a sincere grin, then turned and left the loft.

Brian turned and looked at his best friend. “Mikey, what are you doing here?” He said, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear what excuse his friend would come up with for coming over uninvited yet again.

Michael considered the question carefully and decided that if he expected the truth from Brian he’d better be forth-coming. “I want to know why you’ve been avoiding me! Are you moving? Why the Hell was that guy here?” Well in the end it turned into a barrage instead of rationality.

Brian walked over to the kitchen and put down the empty water bottle on the counter. This was exactly why he’d been avoiding his friends, Michael especially. They always jumped to conclusions and the assumed the worst of him. He turned to look at his friend. Michael was standing there looking at him imploringly.

“I’m not moving, Mikey.”

“Then what’s with the boxes?” he responded motioning to the boxes stacked in the corner.

“It’s just some of Justin’s stuff; you can help me unpack it if you want.”

Michael looked at Brian dumbfounded. What the Hell was going on?!

“Unpack it?” he questioned.

“Yeah, Daphne’s bringing him over in a couple hours and I’d like to have these unpacked by then.” Brian explained like this was common knowledge and not a huge bombshell.

“BRIAN!” Michael exclaimed. “He’s moving in! How the Hell did the little twat convince you of that?!”

Brian glared icily at Michael. “I asked him.” he said in a quiet growl.

“You wha…why?”

Brian knew why but he really didn’t feel like going into it with Michael, so he decided to go the logical route. “Well he and the fiddler are over, so he can’t very well go back there. His mother has been smothering him; if he went home with her it probably wouldn’t be long until he forgot how to wipe his own ass. He can’t go back to Deb’s, she’s got too much crap that he can run into or knock over.”

Although this made complete sense to Brian he was surprised to hear Michael question more.

“Well, why you? Why can’t he get his own place?”

Now it was Brian’s turn to look dumbfounded. Surely Michael wasn’t that oblivious. Everyone in the ‘family’ knew that Justin still couldn’t see.

“You do realise he’s fucking blind right!” Brian said raising his voice at the end of his sentence.

Minutes before Daphne’s car had arrived outside of the loft. Because she had been in a rush after lunch Justin had been able to convince Daphne to let him go up to Brian’s by himself. Although it had taken him a few minutes he was standing outside the door of the loft, but now he wished he was anywhere else but there.

“Christ Brian, he’s not the only blind person in the world and plenty of them live alone! So I don’t see why he had to live with you!”

When he had finished Michael looked at his friend and saw the anger radiating from him. That wasn’t usually something he received from Brian, annoyance, yes, but not anger. He watched as Brian turned and made his way over to the fridge. He thought back to the hospital and the way Brian had looked. It had been so strange to see Brian fall to pieces over someone. But this wasn’t just someone, it was Justin. It suddenly dawned on him, like someone had lit a neon sign over his head.

“You still care about him!” he exclaimed.

Brian pulled his head from the fridge, Mikey had figured it out! Wasn’t that a surprise? He opened the beer in his hands and raised it to his lips, not confirming or disproving the statement. That was enough for Michael to know he was right.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea.” Brian remained silent but cocked an eyebrow as if to say, ‘Oh? And why is that?’

“Well it’s totally going to interrupt your life plus he’s gonna need all kinds of attention and stuff.”

Brian had to break his silence to huff a laugh at the ‘and stuff’ Michael Novotny, ever the articulate.

“Actually I had to force him to have his stuff moved in; he said he wouldn’t even consider moving in if it meant having to change the loft.”

Michael was surprised at this. Brian had to force Justin to move in? His best friend had been acting strange lately, but this almost seemed like too much. He watched as Brian made his way over to the boxes and began to go through one of them.

Michael remembered how different Brian had seemed since the break-up, but at the time Michael had his relationship with Ben to work out. Was it possible that they were finally growing up? He wasn’t sure but he’d give Brian the benefit of the doubt. He made his way over to Brian and the boxes to help, he decided he’d give it a chance but would keep a close eye on Justin nonetheless, he wouldn’t let the blond hurt his friend again.

An hour later all of Justin’s stuff was unpacked and Brian was sitting at the computer installing some voice software. Michael had gone home. It had been a weird conversation, but he thought that it was possible that Michael finally got it, which was a big accomplishment for him. His thoughts on the talk they had had were interrupted by the phone ringing. 

“Yeah?” he answered.

“Hey Brian,” it was Daphne.

“What can I do for you darling?”

“I’d like to speak to your better half please.”

Brian was confused. “Justin?”

“Of course Justin, can I talk to him?”

“What do you mean? I thought you were with him.” But even as he said it he had a sense of foreboding edging its way in.

“He’s not there?!” Daphne exclaimed. The worry in her voice did nothing for his nerves.

“No, should he be?”

“Yes! I dropped him off at your place over an hour ago!”

“What the Hell?”

Daphne’s voice was quiet and scared. “Where is he Brian? He shouldn’t be out by himself.”

“I know. I’ll find him.” Brian said with fierce determination. At least he hoped he would.


	8. Carpe Noctem

As Brian tried to calm Daphne he felt the panic rising in his own mind. Where could Justin be? How could he get lost from the sidewalk to the loft?

“He did come inside the building right?” Brian queried the hysterical girl.

“Yes! I remember I walked around the car, retrieved his backpack from the backseat and walked him to the door. I remember specifically ‘cause he was acting kinda weird….”

“Weird?” Brian repeated.

“Yeah, he looked up at the sky, well not looked, but, well you know what I mean, and said ‘Looks like rain.’ Then he kissed my cheek and let himself in.”

Brian didn’t really listen as Daphne continued to prattle on. He had come in the building? Then where was he? He ran to the door and slid it back on its tracks, and leaning up against the wall, right next to the door was Justin’s backpack. 

He interrupted Daphne’s babble, “He was here! I gotta go, I’ll call you the second I know anything.” Without another thought he hung up the phone, tossing it back into the loft as he flew down the four flights of stairs to the street. When he reached the door he realised he’d forgotten his shoes upstairs. There was no time to go back up; Justin couldn’t be that far away and he could be in trouble.

He dashed into the street in his jeans and black beater. He looked desperately up and down the street, “Justin!” he called. No answer, the only noise was of the soft pitter-patter of the rain that had begun to fall. Now Brian was really worried, Justin could get caught in the storm, get pneumonia…he caught himself before the panic could raise any higher, that wouldn’t help him on his search for the missing blond. He took a chance and headed west up the street. He called into every alley and peered into every window as the rain continued to fall. His bare feet slapped against the rain-slick street as he broke into a run down the street. Where the Hell was he? Brian couldn’t bear to think what might’ve happened to Justin out here alone and now as the sun was setting it would be even harder to find him. Brian ran into the park where he brought Gus every once and a while. There wasn’t a person in sight; everyone was inside, hiding from Mother Nature. As his eyes scanned the park again he noticed a prone figure lying on the grass.

“Justin!” he cried as he tore across the slippery grass towards the blond. What had happened? Had he fallen? Been pushed? Brian slipped on the grass five feet from Justin’s form, he landed on his knees and crawled frantically over to him. Justin was lying on his back with his eyes closed. Brian fearfully reached over and touched Justin’s arm. Justin’s eyes flew open, fear in them for a moment before he recognised the touch.

“Brian,” he said.

“Are you alright?” Brian asked, eyes scanning the other’s body, not seeing any signs of injury.

“Yes. I’m fine, just enjoying the rain, thinking,” Justin answered flatly. At the discovery that Justin had been here the whole time of his own volition Brian felt the panic dissipate and the anger begin to build.

“What the Hell? Why didn’t you just come into the loft when Daphne dropped you off, she’s worried sick” he said voice rising. ‘And so was I’ he thought. 

Justin sat up pushing his wet hair off his face. “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Interrupt wha...” Brian realised that Justin must’ve arrived when Mikey was ranting. No wonder Justin hadn’t come in.

“Your feet must be cold, let’s go back to the loft.” Justin said getting to his feet.

Brian looked down at his bare feet and wondered how the hell Justin knew how he was barefoot and then realised the rest of what Justin had said. ‘The loft,’ Brian thought, ‘Not home.’

They walked back in an uncomfortable silence. As Justin led them back to the loft Brian marvelled at his sense of direction. No wonder he had been able to make it to the park.

As they rode the elevator up to Brian’s floor Justin finally broke the silence. “I can just take my stuff and leave.” He said it dejectedly and Brian silently cursed his luck. Of course Justin would’ve shown up at the exact moment that Michael had decided to shoot off his mouth.

“Why would you do that?” 

“I don’t want to be an inconvenience, I don’t want to disrupt your life.”

Brian looked at the rain-soaked blond and could see the doubt written on his face. He cursed himself for pushing him away. “For the last time you’re not disrupting my life, plus it would be an inconvenience for you to leave just when I finished unpacking all of your things.”

Justin seemed to contemplate this for a moment, Brian watched as Justin thought, shivering from the rain. He reached out to touch the blond, but before he could reach the cold flesh Justin moved into the loft. “I’m going to have a shower.” He stated plainly.

Justin could feel Brian’s eyes follow him as he walked the familiar path to the bathroom. Once in he closed the door and peeled his sopping wet clothes off and turned the shower on. He stepped under the hot spray and let it begin to wash away the cold. It was wonderful to finally use a real shower again. The one in his hospital room was tiny and Brian’s was, well, spacious. He smiled to himself a little remembering all the little interludes he and Brian had shared in there. His smile faltered a little when he thought of the conversation that he had almost walked in on earlier. As he had made his way to the park after leaving he contemplated his new living situation. True, it had been bred out of desperation, since there was no way he wanted to go live with his mother and be constantly fussed over, he knew she meant well, but it was overwhelming. However, at Brian’s was where he truly wanted to be when he really thought about it, but he really didn’t want to be any trouble, he’d already caused everyone so much worry. If he was really honest with himself he just wanted to be wanted, he didn’t want to be there out of pity or convenience.

As he reached up to grab some shampoo he felt a familiar shape, he pulled the bottle off the shelf and opened the cap and the scent wafted up to his nose. It was his favourite, although he could rarely afford it when he was living with Ethan. As he poured some on to his hand he smiled, ‘He remembered.’ Maybe it was a little more than convenience.

****~~~***~~~***

Brian watched worriedly as Justin slowly made his way across the loft, up the stairs and in to the bathroom. When he heard the shower start he walked over to the phone and called Daphne.

“Did you find him?” came the panicked voice of the girl on the other end.

“I found him, he was laying on the grass in the park.” Brian said listening to the running water coming from across the loft.

“Oh. Thank God. Is he alright?”

“Yeah, unfortunately you dropped him off when Michael was here giving his two cents about the situation, so he left, not wanting to interrupt.” Brian explained.

“I’ll give Michael MY two cents and a kick in the ass!” Daphne exclaimed. Brian had to smile, knowing full well that Daphne could probably take Mikey any day of the week.

“Yeah, like I said, I found him lying in the park, he said he was thinking.”

“That’s all he does lately! He doesn’t have his art to distract him anymore, now all he does is think. I don’t know what to do, I’m starting to get worried.” 

“You and me both.” Brian agreed, voicing his concern as well. “I don’t think he wants to be here.”

At this he heard Daphne chuckle on the other end of the line.

“What? He wanted to pack up his stuff when we got back to the loft.”

“You two! You just can’t be happy for two whole seconds, constantly getting in the way of what everyone else can see. You know you want him there, isn’t that enough? Convince him he’s wanted Brian, convince him that the loft isn’t just somewhere to stay.” She sounded exasperated, like she was explaining something simple to a kindergartener.

“You know I’m no good at that,” was all Brian could think to respond.

“Yeah, I know, but you better at least try, he needs you right now, unless you want this new silent-running model to last, cause I know I can’t fucking stand much more of it.”

Brian thought for a moment, it was true he missed the inane chatter but he was completely lost as to how to bring it back. “Will you help me?” he said quietly feeling ridiculous asking.

“Of course!” Daphne replied immediately, then added teasingly, “as long as you don’t let him go wandering the streets again.” 

“I won’t and thanks Daph, I’ll talk to you later.” He put the phone back in the cradle and realised the water in the shower had stopped running.

Justin emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a thick, fluffy towel. Brian looked up and his breath caught. For some impossible reason he had forgotten how beautiful Justin was, especially half naked. “I’m tired,” he said, “I think I’ll go to sleep.” 

Brian glanced at the clock, it was barely 10 pm, he hadn’t gone to bed that early in years. In fact he didn’t think he would be able to. As if he were yet again inside his head Justin said “Don’t feel like you have to come as well. It must be early still, but seeing as it’s always dark for me it doesn’t really make a difference.”

Brian winced, Justin was so blunt about his blindness, no emotion, not like he normally was, each word filled with emotion. Before Brian had a chance to respond Justin had already crawled under the covers.

Lying in the comfort of Brian’s bed, Justin had never been so grateful that Brian insisted on having the best of everything. The sheets were soft and felt wonderful to the touch, especially compared to the sandpaper that he had been sleeping on in the hospital. He could feel sleep coming, even though he could still hear Brian puttering around the loft. However before he could concentrate on the movements Brian was making he succumbed to sleep.

After only ten minutes of random cleaning and straightening Brian walked up the stairs to the bedroom and saw that Justin was already asleep. He looked so peaceful, there was no furrow in his brow, no thinking, only the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he slept.

Brian slipped out of his still damp clothes and slid under the covers as well. He moved as close to the blonds’ sleeping figure as he dared, not wanting to wake him, but not wanting to be too far from him. How was he going to make Justin believe that he wanted him to be there? He had always shown his feelings in actions, ones that were now invisible to the other man. How was he going to make Justin know that the loft was his home? Without even realising what he was doing he had moved closer to the blond, before he could retreat however, Justin’s sleeping figure came to settle against his own. Whatever he was going to do he needed to do it soon, because Brian knew that he couldn’t stand much more silence, in his bed or otherwise.


End file.
